I am writing to you from an airplane, about an hour away from landing in Melbourne. Because why not. The first bits of sunlight are coming through my window. It’s about 6 am here but 1pm back home in LA which is tripping me out but exciting me at the same time. I’m craving a massive departure from life as it’s been lately. Aren’t I always saying that?
I’ve put off my April journal entry until long after the last minute as we can see on this bright and sunny May 10th. Oh well. I haven’t really known what to say. I don’t think it’s due to a lack of having anything to say necessarily, but more because I’m having trouble deciphering what’s important to share and what’s fluff.
Post- MALIA release, I’ve been writing a lot, and have thankfully found myself in a wildly creative and inspirational space. But I’m in the stage of creating where I can’t let it be for anyone else but me, for the sake of staying as true to my instincts as possible. I’m such a people pleaser that if I’m making art with others’ consumption in mind, I find it hard to take my work as deeply as I desire. I like to spend some time alone with my truths, carve the meaning out of the stacks and stacks of words and ideas and recounted experiences that are coming up for me these days.
I don’t know if this makes much sense, but you know how if a shiny piece of metal is exposed to the elements for a while it runs the risk of getting all dirty and rusty and not being the beautiful thing you remembered it to be? That’s how I feel about my ideas. Before MALIA came out, all those songs were mine and just mine, and they were all shiny with potential and newness. I loved that stage of the album process and mourned it a little bit when it became yours, as much as I adore having this music to share with you all and bond over. I can appreciate that it’s time for those songs to live lives of their own, and their fate is out of my hands. But I’m carrying around new shiny things that I don’t want “exposed” yet, even though at some point, I’ll be dying to share.
I think this creative seclusion is leaking into other parts of my life. I haven’t been posting as much on social media to the dismay of my team (sorry) and I haven’t felt compelled to detail much of my life to you here in my journal entries either (sorry again) but I’m really loving it, so forgive me please. See u next journal entry!
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