August has been kind to me. I don’t really know what I want to write for this month. I guess I’ll talk about gratitude. Because I think these good feelings are a choice. I had a conversation over the phone with one of my best friends a couple weeks ago that slapped me in the face with that fact. After a good few days of me feeling sorry for myself, especially about my career, I got on the phone and whined to her that I didn't think anyone really cared about the music I was putting out, feeling the post-release day blues after all the adrenaline from August 11th had left my body, as artists do. After listening for a few minutes, she pulled my head out of my ass, though, thank god. She was basically like, “you are flat out wrong about that. You might be feeling like it, but it's not true. There are plenty of people who care about your art.”
And then I tried to look at the way things are going for me from an outsiders perspective, and was kinda like “yeah what the FUCK am i talking about??? Of course people care? There’s proof of it in every corner of my life if I just fucking choose to look for THAT instead of all the ways i’m not yet where I personally want to be. You’re right Chloe. Thanks for the slap” and surprise surprise, my excitement is back. Suddenly proof of things going well is everywhere. It’s in the one person who comments on a video I made and was nervous to post, the DM I get about why a song I wrote is important enough for somebody to TAKE TIME OUT OF THEIR DAY to reach out to me about it. It’s in the people who I’ve had working relationships with for 5+ years now. It's all really, REALLY okay. Isn’t it weird how much of our suffering is a choice? It's humbling to be unable to blame the world for your pain. But then it’s really empowering.
(Mini viewing party for Nobody Else before it came out)
I’d also like to say how overwhelmed I am by the love my new song and video has gotten so far this month. It’s more than I’ve received in such a short time - maybe ever - and it’s extremely validating and makes me feel like I’m doing something right. The love and support is more appreciated than any of you guys reading this could possibly know. So thank you thank you thank you thank you.
(Taken by my friend on film before a night out)
For my own mental health I've tried to spend less mindless time on my phone and have been reading quite a bit. The list includes Just Kids By Patti Smith (WOW. just wow), I’m Glad My Mom Died By Jeannette McCurdy (Wow again), Orlando by Virginia Woolf (WHY have I JUST NOW started reading her work??? Her prose is the definition of enchanting. Like I’m just completely sucked into whatever world she’s describing with her words that I forget where and who I am) and I am currently reading Gone Girl By Gillian Flynn because of the “cool girl” monologue I've heard/read across the internet a million times, a quote that inspired my next project. It’s time to finally get to know the character those words came from, since I related to them enough to make a song out of the concept. You’ll understand by the end of September what I'm talking about.
‘Til Next Month,